Showing posts with label my birth story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my birth story. Show all posts

Sunday, January 8, 2012

the good and bad about Audrey's birthday.


With Audrey's birthday coming up there is a lot of excitement, but with that comes guilt, and A LOT of whys.  Nearly everyday for the past year, I have wondered why I had to have a c-section.  You see, we think we know why Audrey didn't come out, but it's nothing we will know for sure ever.  I have good days and bad days, today is a bad day, regarding my feelings about Audrey's birth. Some days I feel like I did all I could and other days I feel like maybe we went to the hospital too soon.  Maybe if I would have rested a little longer in the tub she would have come out.  Did I really have to go to the hospital? Was there really no other way to have Audrey but a c-section?  I read beautiful natural birth stories and feel so..happy for these women and yet a little jealous that I couldn't have that.  Yes, I labored naturally and that part was wonderful it truly was it's just working so hard for a c-section is well tough.  I know that a healthy baby is all you want in the end, but I wanted a natural birth more than anything.  What you guys don't know about my birth story is that I cursed out the nurses and yelled at them asking what they were hooking me up to.  Yup, I have to admit it, I was not very nice simply because I didn't want to be in a hospital.  Most moms just love seeing those first pictures of there little one in the hospital. Honestly, I cringe seeing them because the look on Audrey's face is sheer terror.  She didn't see me or Carlo first, but a doctor.  She didn't lay on my chest immediately and breastfeed. (she did breastfeed in recovery)  Strangers took her and I wasn't the first to hold her nor was Carlo.  That is a horrible thought to me.  I love Audrey so much and I just feel that the way she entered into this world was not worthy of the person that she is.  She deserved so...much better.  If I get to ask the big guy, whomever that is, 1 question, it would be what happened to not let me have a natural birth, why couldn't I have a natural birth??


Sorry for the negativity and what not.  I just need to vent regarding this subject. It is something I have yet to accept.


Here is the picture I am talking about that is sheer terror.



Sorry for the rant/vent.  It is a tough subject for me and having a c-section is something I have yet to really accept. 

For those of you just checking out my blog, my sincere apologies. Here is the link to my birth story. 
http://itsabigworldbaby.blogspot.com/2011/08/business-of-being-bornmy-story.html



Friday, August 5, 2011

The Business of Being Born...my story

Gentle Choices ALSO posted a link via facebook so you can see The Business of Being Born for free as well!!! VERY EXCITING!!!  I will post the link at the end of this post

This is sort of a re-post as it is simply my birth story.  I wrote it on February 2nd, Audrey was born January 28 and I did not arrive home until February 1st.  I wanted to remember all the details so I wrote it as soon as I could.  I am telling you my birth story because The Business of Being Born is what started the search for a birthing center or midwife.  A friend of mine told me I should watch this documentary because it was really good.  It was 2009 and I had just finished my 1st year of grad school.  I was curious about what a midwife was as a friend of mine was having a baby and was using both a doctor and midwife.  This was in Albuquerque, New Mexico where doctors and midwives co-exist very civilly and even work together, something that is nearly unheard of here in Lafayette.  In any case, I had never thought of a natural birth prior to seeing this documentary. After watching The Business of Being Born I was on the web the next day googling birthing centers in Lafayette, Louisiana and midwives in Lafayette Louisiana.  This documentary changed EVERYTHING!  So...with that being said here is my story.  As I am typing this I am re-watching it. so...stay tuned for my thoughts after having Audrey


For those of you who knew and those of you who didn't know, for the past 9 months I have been seeing a midwife instead of a doctor so I could have a natural drug free birth preferably a water birth. Carlo and I took natural childbirth classes and were taught how to tell the position of the baby and all. In any case, I went into the birth center on July 27th at 11pm and was 5-6cm dilated I labored mostly in the tub and found the water to be very soothing. By 4am I was fully dilated and effaced but my water would not break on its own, so my midwife had to pop it, much to her chagrin, as she likes to let it happen on its own.*When it broke it was not clear, there was meconium in it, as my husband says it was dirty* My water was the only thing stopping me from pushing. Unfortunately, Audrey wouldn't arrive how we had planned. After pushing for around 1hr, out of the tub, my cervix became swollen and I was told to get back in the tub (during labor I tried several different positions in and out of the tub) While back in the tub, I was told to breathe through the contractions and not push, this was one of the hardest things to do, I was also given some homeopaths to help take the edge off so I could rest up. I had to do this, rest that is, for 2hrs. After the 2 hrs passed I got out of the tub and then pushed for an hour and a half trying every position possible to get Audrey out. We tried everything, but in the end I had to go to womens and childrens hospital as my midwife was concerned *After we tried the last position which was hands and knees on the birthing ball swaying my hips very wide, the RN was helping that, and turning left while the midwifery assistant pulled my left and hand then turning to the right and repeating, my midwife stepped outside the room to think of what else to do as she was at a loss and my husband went to her and asked what do we need to do, do we need  to go to the hospital, because then lets go.* After arriving I was prepped for a spinal and epidural and I pushed another hour while a nurse tried for an hour and a half to get Audrey out and rotate her from transverse, on the side, to OA, face down. *Audrey was in perfect position while at the birthing center, OA, whether I am right or wrong I believe that the drugs made her turn. Mom and babies have a link during labor, I think I am correct in saying this.  When you take drugs that link is broke and the baby cannot send signals to the mom and is in some cases unable to do what they would know how to do without drugs*  In any case, Audrey wound up being a c-section and good thing because she was covered in merconium, a baby's first poop which if inhaled is toxic to the baby. She did not inhale any thanks to an amazing pediatrician who suctioned her well so she was fine. In the end all that mattered was a happy healthy baby and mom and that's what we got. I had to stay in the hospital because my membranes were broken so long, from 4am-2:47. I may have gotten an infection due to that, so we were in the hospital from the 28th to the 1st of February. Audrey was born via c-section at 2:47pm on the 28th. The whole time I had the most amazing man encouraging and helping me through the entire process. He never left my side once and I never could have done this without him. He was there pushing on my hips for hours upon hours (all of my labor was in my hips and could only be relieved by being pushed on very very hard) *He told me he actually got a charlie horse in his arms from pushing so long and hard on my hips* Only my midwife and Carlo had enough strength to help me but Carlo did most of the work. Did I have the beautiful birth I had hoped for, no but in the end I did labor completely naturally which I am completely proud of! Had Audrey not had her hands up by her head causing her to jam I would have had a natural birth. I was so close that I had about an inch and a half left according to Carlo, he actually could feel her head and they could tell that she had hair and it was dirty blonde! . I was also told, by my midwife and midwifery assistant that had I not had an issue Audrey would have been out in the first 2-3 pushes. I am now blessed to have a beautiful girl and feel even closer to Carlo even if I did not have the picture perfect birth.  I fully intend on going back to the birthing center to have BB #2 (baby Bentley #2, Audrey BB #1 as we did not want to know the sex of the baby. I knew it was a girl though, I had a feeling)

There you have it guys, my birth story.  I remember it all very clearly still to this day.  The * in the story are things I added today

                                          Here I am laboring in the tub sometime before 4am

                              First time seeing Audrey, I couldn't believe she had dirty blonde hair

                                                                  First family photo

                       I have NEVER posted this photo but feel it's important. Yes, I look like I was  punched   in the face but that's what happens after leaving your make up on and laboring for roughly 19hrs naturally, I had a c-section 2 hrs. shy of the 24hr mark. and YES I am breastfeeding in recovery and had my little girl in the room the whole time with me!


                                             WATCH IT!!!
http://www.letmewatchthis.​ch/external.php?title=The+​Business+of+Being+Born&url​=aHR0cDovL3d3dy5tZWdhdmlkZ​W8uY29tL3YvVkY5SVRTT1U%3D&​domain=bWVnYXZpZGVvLmNvbQ%​3D%3D&loggedin=0