Friday, July 6, 2012

BIG changes

come August, big changes are happening here.  Not like full-time job change, but like part-time job change. It's at least part-time for now.  I was recently given the opportunity to go for the position for adjunct professor of clarinet and I went for it and got it.  There's a lot more to it than that.  In my mind it was an opportunity to not miss because it's a university job, something I always wanted, doing what I love and what I wanted to do, teach clarinet.  It took me a while to be okay with the idea.  There was lots of: I will miss Audrey, especially those little moments, I don't want to miss her, I love being a stay at home mama more than anything, maybe I won't go for this, but wait that would be ridiculous seeing as so...many people can't find positions like this if they wanted and here is an opportunity for one, I won't do daycare, who will I get to watch Audrey, I won't be able to focus on lessons because my mind will be on Audrey, etc... This is what went through my mind.  It took a sane person, aka Carlo, to tell me it will be fine, this will be good for you both, etc...  In the world of earthy friendly, green, natural parenting, and mommy blogging, I am not the norm.  Most of y'all are stay-at-home-mama's a title I gleam with pride whenever I say that that's what I am.  Now, I am in the I work category.  To be honest though, I don't see it that way.  I am the part-time stay at home mama now I don't like that title really, guess I will work on that!You see, I have a small studio and will be either teaching, recruiting or practicing.  I am hoping to group things together if possible so I won't be gone an hour here and there throughout the week but large amounts of time.  Plus, classes are over Friday at 12pm.  Of course, I have to go by students schedules, but I am hoping that will be possible, the grouping thing.  In any case, once I realized how exciting this was I... well..... got excited!!  I have high hopes for building a studio. It won't happen overnight and will take some work, most of which I will do when Audrey is asleep or while at the university or while recruiting.  In any case, I do have a moment, usually while nursing Audrey to sleep where I think man I will miss this, which is true ,then I think I will be okay and this will be great for us. In case y'all were wondering I have a nanny for Audrey. She is a college aged, a musician (violin) familiar with cloth diapering, gentle discipline, baby wearing, attachment parenting, and everything Carlo and I believe in.  It's pretty awesome.  I couldn't see taking Audrey out of her environment and putting her somewhere that I knew I would never be comfortable with.  Now, my big issue is milk.  Yes, Audrey still nurses like crazy and will NOT go down for a nap without "nuni"  I pump but since Carlo went to India my supply went way down and I have been struggling ever since.  It concerns me because I don't want her to wean because I am not there. I want her to wean when she is ready.  I know that will not be anytime soon and that's fine by me, I love the time we have together nursing.  There is something so amazing knowing I am providing all the nutrients and comfort Audrey could ever need while helping her to go to sleep. I love when she pats my belly and chest to help get the milk out.  It's the sweetest thing in the world to me.   Anyway, I have no intention to stop blogging, and although I will not be spending ALL day with Audrey I will still be spending the majority of the day with her.  I am excited for this new adventure.  It's a change yet the same thing I have been doing just at a different location!

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