Sunday, September 30, 2012

pushing and grabbing

First off, sorry for the hiatis. I have a lot to write but have been uninspired to do anything but well veg out and watch TV AKA Modern Family Season 3.  I have 4 posts in draft with a few lines written but I write when passion strikes.  I don't want lack luster posts, YUCK. I mean who wants to read something like that,  seriously!  Anyway, I will keep updating,thanks for the patience with the new job and all.  It is still an adjustment and I take it week by week with lots of breathing.  It involves prepping EVERYTHING at night: note to nanny, Audrey's lunch, dinner for the next day, what I am wearing, what I need to bring/copy, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning, oh and exercising.  I can't always get out to do our 5 mile bike ride so I turn to the NY city ballet and ballet beautiful DVD's to help me out.  Anyway, I digress.....

Pushing and grabbing is a normal part of a child's development and it is not something they do to be "naughty" or "mean".  Audrey has had one of her friend's over a couple times in the past couple of weeks and she went over there once as well.  The two girls love each other, they hug and kiss and hold hands.

They also push, more so Audrey, her friend does so more in defense because Audrey wants whatever she has.  It could be a crayon, or the mop.  If she has it, Audrey wants it.  This is a tough issue to deal with, let alone deal with calmly.  It involves fits from Audrey and lots of saying "Your friend has that, when she is done then you can see/have it"  Audrey understands that but doesn't like it so she goes and grabs it again which causes her friend to push her back.  I always try to give a distraction.  If  her friend has the pink crayon and Audrey says pink and reaches for it I ask if she can use the pretty orange crayon and then make a big deal about it by telling her "Oh I LOVE that orange, what a pretty picture you are coloring"  We have two brooms, but one mop. Her friend loves the mop and so does Audrey, more so than the broom.  I simply pick that up because neither wants a broom while the other has the mop but two brooms are no problem.  It is all about diffusing the situation.  Time-outs are something little ones don't understand.  I believe in talking about it.  Carlo and I have started saying "Audrey, I need your eyes and your ears" and then tell her we don't grab this because or we don't hit or push our friends we touch gentle, can you hug your friend.  I think some of this behavior is Audrey simply wanting more "me" time honestly.  She has always had me and no one else during the day but now I am gone for 8-10 hrs a week, granted most of it is during nap time, I TOTALLY planned it that way, but still.  I realize that this behavior is simply Audrey's way of saying I need more mama time to read a book or play outside or do something aside from run errands and vacuum and all of that stuff.  I see this as a BIG slow down button.  Yes, I have 20 million things to do and I am good about putting them off until after Audrey has gone to bed.  Mornings are crazy and it is spent with me getting hair and make-up fixed and grabbing breakfast and making copies sometimes and blah blah blah.  Not to mention her nanny gets here and then all she wants is me, which is typical.  It is time to SLOW DOWN and dance a little more with her and be silly a little more with her and not worry about the disaster that the house is.  I am type A personality without a doubt I am high strung, I like things to be orderly and to go in a certain way.  I loosened up a lot when I had Audrey and am back to super type A again.  This pushing and grabbing is a phase as well I know, but this big change with me working maybe sped things up a little.  I know I have a well adjusted little girl who simply needs more me time.

For those of you AP parents going through this stage here are a list of links with some great ideas.

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