Beautiful No Matter Where or How it Happens

                                 

           This is my guest post I did for the Manic Mrs. Stone.  GO CHECK OUT HER AWESOME BLOG, and this same post that's below, here!!!                   

Hey guys!!! I am Heather from the blog It’s a BIG World baby.  It’s basically all about my crazy thoughts and adventures as a first time stay at home mama to me and my husband’s wonderful little girl, Audrey.  I am thrilled to be helping the wonderful Mrs. Stone while she is in new baby bliss.  On that note, I thought it would be appropriate to post about my own birth experience.  It was a birthing center birth gone c-section. So, here goes…

This is how my birth went, not how I planned it, or how I thought it would go, but it was beautiful. Thanks to A LOT of support and reassurance from my wonderful husband and midwife, along with reading Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth I am finally able to look back at Audrey’s birth as the happiest day for our little family.

I suppose I should tell you about my labor.  It was L-O-N-G, but worth every minute. I went into labor 4pm on the 27^th of January, 2011, and Audrey was delivered via c-section at 2:45pm on the 28^th. It included: my midwife having to break my water (as much as she did not want to, it was stopping progress), pushing at the birthing center 2 times for a total of 3.5 hrs and then another hour once we got to the hospital. It also included resting in the tub for 2hrs while not pushing due to a swollen cervix. (This was by far the most difficult thing I had to do, but once I realized I had no choice and it needed to happen, I was okay…I think I actually napped a little towards the end) I did not know at the time, but my water was dirty when it broke at 4am, not clear.  I remember being so…exhausted at the end, but still giving every last ounce of energy I had to get Audrey out.  My last laboring position at the birthing center is pretty funny.  I was hands and knees on the bed leaning over the birthing ball.  While the RN was circling my hips really wide, my husband was in front of me, and when I had to push,  I would lean to one side (the right or left) while the midwifery asst. pulled the coinciding arm then switched arms at the next urge.  Yeah, it’s moments like that when I wish someone could have taken that picture. I honestly do not remember the ride to hospital or arriving. I knew they put me in a wheelchair, which I was not too happy about.  Honestly, I was really not very nice AT ALL to the staff, I used some choice expletives and yelled a little wondering what they were hooking me up to. They, on the other hand, were so….nice to me.

laboring in the tub before pushing

Once Audrey was delivered, a lactation nurse helped me get Audrey to latch in recovery, and she nursed like a champ without any issue.  I had AMAZING nurses who helped make sure I was super comfy at all times. I had a lot of different nurses and can say they were all amazing, I still remember a few of their names.  They made sure Audrey was always in my room and returned her quickly after they would take her to the nursery to get her temperature and all that stuff.  They all knew I was at the birthing center, and I even had several who asked me about it and were VERY curious. Of course, I was happy to share.  I have to admit it was really nice to have a recovery of 5 days in the hospital, I had to stay longer due to a possible infection because my membranes were broken so long.  It was great to get home, please don’t get me wrong, but I felt like I got a break of some sort that I would not have had if everything went perfect.  The only downside was I had people, just parents and in-laws, at the hospital ALL THE TIME.  No offense to them, but I wanted more time for just Carlo and I with Audrey.  We couldn’t be just us until we got home, but that’s another story.

So… 

not quite a day old

With you all now knowing my story, I should also tell you that for this past year I struggled with accepting Audrey’s birth.  I feel she deserved a better birth and I failed her somehow.  I took full responsibility for not being able to have her naturally.  I can’t tell you how many times I asked Carlo what happened and how far she really was from coming out. (she was 1 inch away)  I knew the answers, but am someone who analyzes these things over and over.  I heard from both my midwife and midwifery assistant that she was not coming out that way and that I did everything I could.  Of course, this settled my mind for a short time, and then I was back to questioning everything.  After reading most of Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, I am still finishing it, I realized I did do everything right and did all that I could.  Since starting this book, I realized that my husband, midwife, and midwifery assistant said the same thing Ina May said.  Maybe I needed to read it and confirm what I heard, I don’t know.  But what I do know is that I did all I could for Audrey and the decisions that were made were to benefit both of us.  In the end, she was healthy and beautiful. We were just as happy, in love, and exhausted as we would have been had we been at the birthing center. 

So, all you natural birthing mama’s having to have c-sections, don’t feel bad, or like a failure, but be proud of the choice you made to go through with a natural birth.  Sometimes, things happen that are out of our control, and out of your midwife’s control.  Be accepting and know that you did ALL you could. Now, go enjoy your little one! :-)